Which Do Love More, Chris or El Azteco? Luckily, I Never Have to Choose

I'm at the library. Rode my bike. Fought the puddles and the puddles won. Now my back is spackled with mud. Feeling an expansive love for everything. That includes you. Especially you.

I show my love by wasting your time. It's just my way. So here goes, some news that did'nt happen. At least yet.

Iraqis Vote "Moral Values" In Historic Election

Gay Marriage Banned, Ayatollah Al-Roberston Triumphant

Karbala, Iraq (AP)-- Iraq's first free elections in the past fifty years are being hailed as a major success for this nascent democracy with only many dozen dead at the hands of insurgents, rather than many, many as expected.

What motivated an estimated 60-70% of Iraqis to the polls however was not the near-constant car bombings, kidnappings, decapitations, or the prescence of an occupying force of 150,000 troops. Instead "moral values" was the issue most cited by voters. Indeed ten of Iraq's administrative governates voted to ban gay marriage rather than take action on the pressing issues of a foreign occupation or incipient multi-ethnic civil war.

"If two men can get married, then it is all for nothing! Then the insurgents and the Americans really have won!!" Said Jimmy Joe Al-Hassani.

That was a common sentiment that seemed to unify a fractious country, which often chafes along ethnic and religious fault lines.

Thirty percent of voters named gay-marriage as the most important issue to them, followed distantly by "terrorism," "infidel occupation," "facial hair" and "the honor of our women."

"Oh, praise Allah, may peace be upon him!" Said Ibrahim al-O'Reilly "I mean, we gotta have priorities, you know??"


These are the sorts of things that I talk about with Chris. My dear Chris. The guy who trailed behind me through Europe like my little burka-clad Muslim wife. The boy who has a day named after him in Minnesota.

He's a guy whose wit sparkles like a champagne flute full of Mountain Dew. That's the best way I can think to describe him, a blending of the high and the low. He's got a brain like a nuclear reactor, yet is completely without pretense. He's incorrigibly himself. Perhaps the only adorable neo-con. My complete opposite in every way, and I love him for it.

Last night we ate at El Azteco. He had a jones for something in particular. I didn't know what to get and blindly stabbed at the menu. A half hour later a big mound of something was placed in front of me. The sight of it stopped conversations at two tables nearby. (I should've known it would be a project since it cost 10 dolla and I dont think I've ever spent more than $5.00 at El Az--even when eating sopapillas all night after smoking some of Melanie's stash.) "Do I eat this or place a flag on top of it?" I thought. It appeared to have slathered on it the all the UNFP guacamole rations intended for Banda Aceh, Indonesia.

Not willing to admit defeat, I boxed it up. Walking back to Chris's car though, I realized I was defeated and could never hope to eat it all. Spending a week in the fridge was not going to do it any credit. Still, I hate to throw food away. In the parking garage I noticed a Prius next to Chris's space. I set the styrofoam box by the electric-gas hybrid where its driver was sure to notice. A good liberal he--or she!!--would find a good use for it. Give it to a homeless person perhaps. Or use it as compost in their organic garden.