The All Singing, All Dancing, All-cohol Blog

Not that I have been doing too much singing or dancing. Anita Ekberg, in La Dolce Vita, splashing in the Trevi Fountain did enough of that, and so well that I have been deterred. If I were drunk and an American in early post-war Europe, sure I would. But I am an American in post-post-post-war America, so as it stands I am lying in a fetal position. Such is The State I Am In.

I've been drinking gin and juice from a teacup. Um, times five or six. Better I do that here, alone, than in public. A bit too precious even for a party affectation.

S'my right though, to overindulge in both alcohol and ironic use of chinaware. It's there in the Fourth Geneva Convention, Section III, concerning the rights of those living under an occupying power. That's what America is these days,right? An occupying power? Mm, I like how when the right gets hysterical, the left thinks it's cool to act hyperbolic as well.

One gets the television one deserves at 3:30 am. The viewership is small enough that you can take the programming and targeted advertisements personally. These people know their demographics. Evidentally I need to wrest my abs from a winter's coat of averdupois, ask my doctor about getting my diabetic supplies from Liberty Medical, and invest in a Hoveround. Anything's possible with a Hoveround! I am told. That will be my acceptance speech when I use the little joystick to wheel my way up to the podium in Stockholm to accept my Nobel Prize in Advanced Theoretical Banality. "Anything's possible with a Hoveround!"

My head feels like the discharge from a near-empty can of aerosol. Which is the same way I would describe the tone of voice of that breathless, gee-whiz eschatologist Rexella Van Impe, currently on the tiv. "Oh my, Jack! What exciting times we are living in!" Last week they said the prophecy of the book of Revelation was at hand with Luxembourg's assumption of the EU presidency. The end is nigh indeed.

Funny, I don't think I am going to feel hungover. That's probably because I've done most of my barfing here into this blog. Le sigh. Time for me to stop playing the absinthe-minded professor.